..Have you ever hidden something from your relationship partner due to the fact that you were concerned about what they would think? Perhaps you were worried they’d mock you or criticize you, or say that you shouldn’t be feeling how you’re experiencing.
If this sounds like you with you, then you’re not alone. Humans want to shield themselves from harm and pain. Sometimes it can result in reactions that prevent us from deepening our relationships with our loved ones.
However, to establish deeper security in our emotional relationships with our spouses we must do the work necessary to ensure the safety of our emotions.
What is emotional security?
Emotional security means that the partners feel safe speaking their truth and sharing their thoughts emotions, and feelings. Concepts and sharing their concerns with no fear of getting slapped down or ridiculed, shut down or even told to act, be or be different.
Here are eight ways to increase emotional security in a relationship.
Utilize “I” statements.
It is also the basis used for “I” statements: “I feel” + emotion + the following: x + due to what I require is.
In discussions about a relationship issue It’s normal for couples to begin sentences by saying “you are” …” or “you did.” …” But this blame-taking approach can put our partner on the side of the defence.
Utilizing the “I” statement allows us to own what we feel and be able to share the consequences of our spouse’s actions which allows both parties the experience to be considered valid and communicates to others that it’s acceptable to raise issues and not be afraid of being disregarded.
Ask questions instead of making accusations.
It’s easy to think you know exactly what your friend thinks, however sometimes we sometimes miss the mark.
Inquiring is a sign that is open and curious In contrast, accusing comes from an attitude of assumption and judgement.
When we ask questions, we convey the message that we want to build a bridge through understanding however, when we make accusations against that person, we convey the message we believe to be best, which usually results in confusion and disconnect.
If we are more curious instead of blaming the more likely that our friend will feel that it’s okay to open up with us.
It is beneficial to keep in mind this concept You don’t know how your spouse is feeling or thinking until you ask them, and they inform you of their thoughts.
Avoid absolute language.
Couples typically employ absolute language when they’re unhappy.
Here are a few examples:
Never buy me flowers.”
You never listen.”
Always criticize me.”
Absolute language is never completely accurate. Humans exist on a continuum and absolute language ignores the subtleties of being human.
In relationships, the use of absolute words is not effective since it puts people on defense.
If you claim, “You never buy me flowers,” your spouse will probably respond with a defensive, “I bought you flowers for our anniversary last year!”
This not only escalates the issue, but it does not resolve the original complaint in the first place, which is that she would like to be able to receive flowers more frequently.
Take a look at this to reframe:”I enjoyed the bouquet of flowers I received from you for your anniversary in the last calendar year. It would be a huge blessing to me if you did this frequently.”
It begins with an offer of a compliment in order to gain acceptance from the partner and then clearly outlines the need.
A few couples are hesitant to make this clear since it is a sign of the vulnerability of asking for something they would like and running the risk of not receiving it.
When both partners agree to provide this type of feedback in a direct manner the couple is acknowledging that they are able to freely express their desires and needs to the relationship, which strengthens the relationship between couples.
Learn to listen rather than to convince.
Couples frequently get caught in the temptation to try to convince each other that their thinking is right. This can lead to a loss of connection in the relationship, and feeling that it’s risky to express their ideas.
In contrast, when we try the viewpoint of our partner We allow ourselves to open ourselves to the possibility of fresh ideas, and build a stronger connection with our friends and family members by letting them be heard and respected.
Learn and utilize your self-soothe tools.
In challenging conversations, it’s typical for us to be emotionally charged and may become overwhelmed. If you’re not familiar with the term “flooded,” it is when we’re so overwhelmed by our emotions that they dominate the conversation. When emotions are driving us, we’re more likely to react quickly rather than thoughtfully.
If both parties are aware of their personal limits in emotional expression and are able to handle their emotions. They feel secure enough to discuss questions without worrying. Their spouse will not be able to be emotionally tolerant of the conversation.
Positive feedback can be given through genuine praise, validation, gratitude and understanding.
Your relationship will be improved when you follow this principle. For every negative relationship, you encounter with your partner ensure that there are five positive interactions.
When a relationship develops, it’s not uncommon to notice a decrease in positive comments. But this part that a person has in their relationship can be crucial to sustaining and enhancing the safety of the relationship.
The more often we observe and appreciate the qualities of love, appreciation and admiration for our spouse. The easier it is for them can tolerate our criticism and in turn, vice versa.
Try to be kind and compassionate to yourself and your partner.
It’s a fact that both you and your companion will make mistakes.
If we are willing to accept and accept that we and our partners are flawed and make mistakes. We allow ourselves the opportunity to reflect on those errors and learn from them and develop.
Compassion also communicates that it’s fine to be yourself and that being authentic is accepted in relationships. This is what draws couples closer to each. It makes them feel that they’re loved and won’t be judged based on their shortcomings or mistakes.
Support and encourage each other’s personal growth.
It is necessary to have Support and encourage each other’s personal growth. The safety of our emotions requires the willingness to look within. The more we understand our own triggers, identify our own and discover how to deal with them effectively. The better we’re capable of being able to let our partners be who they truly are. They express their feelings when the need arises, and be comfortable sharing their feelings.
The acceptance of ourselves and each one another as we are for emotional safety. It is difficult to create the environment for transformation when we’re coming from an environment of judgment and criticism.
Humans don’t have everything perfect, which is why we’re not able to do all of these tasks perfectly. The only thing we can do is try to do our best. Keep in mind that we are capable of evolving in our personal qualities as well as in our relationships.
Related Article: These 5 Things Good Men Never Want to Do in a Love Relationship
