Cops, Killers, and My Last Nerve: Forget Is Wrongful Death a Felony, Is Sanity Even Real?
[Sound of deep sigh] It’s… I don’t even know what time it is. Jessica here. Again. Can’t sleep. That Portland case… it’s… [frustrated groan] So, $2 million. For not catching a killer. I mean… [long pause] I can’t even… You know what? I had cereal for dinner. Again. What does that have to do with anything? Nothing. Everything. I don’t know anymore.
This Isn’t Some TV Drama, People
You know what’s really getting to me? It’s not just this case. It’s… everything. Had this client last week, right? Keeps asking about wrongful death medical malpractice lawyer stuff. Thinks his dad’s death was like some Grey’s Anatomy episode. I’m like, “Dude, real life isn’t… wait, did I feed my cat?” And then there’s this other guy. Calls me at dinner. Yes, cereal counts as dinner, shut up. Anyway, he’s all, “I need a catastrophic accident attorney!” Why? His neighbor’s kid’s baseball landed in his yard. I swear, I’m not making this up. Is this what my life has become?
It’s Always the Stupid Stuff
You wanna know what really keeps me up? Besides everything? It’s the dumb cases. Like that slip and fall head injury thing from last month. Guy trips over his own shoelace at the store. Cracks his head. Now I’m drowning in paperwork because the store didn’t have a “Tie Your Shoes” sign. I mean, come on! Oh, and get this. Was reading about… what was it? Tank slapping? Yeah, that. Motorcycle thing. Why was I reading about that at 2 AM? No idea. Do I even own a motorcycle? No. See what this job does to you? I need a vacation. Or a time machine. Go back, tell my younger self, “Hey, maybe don’t become a lawyer. Try… I don’t know, professional cloud watcher or something.” [Yawn] Where was I? Oh, right. Portland. Cops. Killers. Million-dollar lawsuits. Just another Tuesday, right? Or is it Wednesday? What even is time anymore? If you need me, I’ll be… actually, no. Don’t need me. I’m not here. I’m on Mars. With no lawsuits. And no cereal for dinner. And definitely no… [voice trails off] Is it too late to become a yoga instructor? Probably. Knowing my luck, someone would sue me for… I don’t know, breathing too loud or something. I’m going to bed. Or to stare at the ceiling and contemplate my life choices. Same thing, right? [Muffled thud, possibly head hitting desk]
